Making them up as I go (2)

1. Tell the truth.
2. Entice, or fail.
3. To emphasize, summarize.
4. If it ain't short, it don't work.
5. Be clear.


And so I don't forget:
Don't explain. Just tell a story.
Don't argue. Just say things that make sense.
Expect people to be bored by the writing, and shorten it.
Make the wording easy to take.

Remove Loose Ends -- the interesting one-liners that go nowhere.

Thursday, August 5, 2021

PERIOD However COMMA

 The first thing I came to this morning, after my coffee:

"In every deliberation, we must consider the impact on the seventh generation... even if it requires having skin as thick as the bark of a pine." This is an often repeated saying, however, despite a common belief, it is not contained in the Constitution of the Iroquois Nation.

I had to read it three times before I figured out that they meant

"In every deliberation, we must consider the impact on the seventh generation... even if it requires having skin as thick as the bark of a pine." This is an often repeated saying. However, despite a common belief, it is not contained in the Constitution of the Iroquois Nation.

The quote is from Seven generation sustainability at Wikipedia. I like the idea, but not the punctuation. I do not believe that a person can punctuate a sentence that poorly, and still think clearly.

2 comments:

Michael Leddy said...

A familiar pattern (comma splice) for anyone who’s graded student writing. If I had a dollar, or even a dime….

Here “but” could be a simpler alternative.

The Arthurian said...

Michael, I don't have a fraction of the technical knowledge ("comma splice") you have about the language, but I share with you the inability to get through a painful sentence without crying out in pain.