Saturday, April 16, 2016
That's what it's like when I write.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. And even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem, the move still bothers me. Because while it's obvious to me that debt is the problem, it's apparently not obvious to most people.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. Even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem, the move still bothers me. Because while it's obvious to me that debt is the problem, it's apparently not obvious to most people.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. The move still bothers me, even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem. Because while it's obvious to me that debt is the problem, it's apparently not obvious to most people.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. The move still bothers me, even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem. Because, while it's obvious to me that debt is the problem, it's not obvious to everybody.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. The move still bothers me, even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem. Because it's obvious to me, but it's not obvious to everyone.
That is the first time in this series that I've gone from correlation to causation. The move still bothers me, even though I've known for thirty years that debt is the problem.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I liked reading through the series. This passage benefits, I’d say, from dropping the because. But I hear the two thats in the first sentence as a problem. Maybe: “For the first time in this series, I’ve gone,” and so on?
Oh, you are so much better at revision than I am! I went with "For the first time..." and, at the same time, dropped the even from "The move still bothers me, even though..."
Of course, next time I read the thing, it all may change again.
I don't have rules for revision. I go by how it "feels" when I read it. After too many reads in one day, I have to wait till the following morning. Sleep clears the detritus from my brain.
I frequently find myself starting paragraphs with "So, ..." or "But ..." or "Oh, ..." and I often go back and take them out. I change "this" to "that" and back to "this". But I missed the two thats in the first sentence. Maybe from now on I'll know to look for weak word repetitions.
Thank you, Michael.
I think I noticed it because of my habit of hearing the words in my head. I’ve been reading that way since childhood.
Post a Comment